'I need your money, it'll help me: I need your car and I need your love..'

'I was amazed at my own detatchment.'- Marian, The Edible Woman.

I think I am ending my honeymoon period, where I am amazed at my own stability.
For the past few months, I was amazed at myself, how indifferent I could become, how cold.
It almost became a game. I jump from sinking ship to sinking ship and keep up the facade to anyone who gets too close. The rest of the world I am not fooling. Now it does not work, it was the machine that pushed me forwards, now it is the machine that is holding me back, metallic, cold.
You were Monumental.
But you will never know it :).
Not just a little mark on a map, or a peice of stone that would be insignificant otherwise, you refreshed me. I no longer wish to keep calm and carry on.
This in itself is weak, governed by feeling, harmful.

'They sat without moving.
the city, the time outside the white circle of the park, had almost vanished. Marian felt her flesh gradually numbing.; her feet had ceased to ache. she pressed herself deeper into the furry surface; outside, the snow was falling. She could not begin the effort of getting up..
'you took a long time,' he said quietly at last. 'I've been expecting you'
Her body was beginning to shiver 'I have to go now' she said.
Against her neck she felt a convulsive movement of the muscles beneath his face.'
Page 171 , The Edible Woman.

I just can't let it.
Ever.
♥